The start of the NFL Season (SZN?) this past Sunday finally brought football back into our living rooms. With it came a slew of new changes, unique to this football year. For example, all the quarterbacks suck this year. That’s exciting. Along with the coaching changes and rule changes, you also may have noticed that two former fixtures of the field on Sundays, have moved to the booth. I’m talking of course of Tony Romo and Rex Ryan.
It really was a tale of two sides in their commentorial debuts. By that I mean that Romo did a pretty good job and was super likable, where as Sexy Rexy commentated the same way he coached the Bills, not great.
To be fair, Rex was not not given a lot to work with for his Sunday night debut. The rest of his ESPN broadcast team was made up of the college football lady I usually change the channel on, and new viral sideline sensation Sergio Dipp, who actually was so terrible he made Rex Ryan look John Madden in comparison. It was the proverbial “D team”, calling the late night Monday game for a much more condensed viewing audience. The odds were stacked against him from the start, but beyond the team he was stuck with, Ryan often struggled when it was time for him to do that whole talking thing his new job requires. Too many times he started a point and simply got lost at the end, trailing off and not finishing his full sentence. He interrupted his partner a lot, and had a tough time getting away from rehashing the play we just saw, rather than providing any new analysis. He wasn’t loose at all, and you could hear it through the screen. To me, there’s only one solution to fix this problem. Someones got to get Sexy Rexy some booze! Seriously Rex Ryan should be required to drink the entire time he is commentating. I’m talking a steady stream of Budweiser constantly being brought to his booth by some unpaid intern. I want an IV setup that’s filled to the brim with vodka red bulls, being mainlined directly into Rex’s system. When I listen to a commentator, I want it to feel like I’m watching the game at home, drinking a beer with that color guy in my living room. Rex Ryan is an electric factory, and he absolutely has the talent and the football know how to succeed as a broadcaster. You just gotta let the big dawg eat. I don’t want to hear Rex Ryan in another broadcast booth unless he is socially lubricated to the point where this is happening.
I give him 4 foot fetish videos out of 10
Tony Romo on the other hand was a breath of fresh air in a broadcast field that as of lately has become a bit mundande. Romo absolutely nailed the whole ‘make it sound like your grabbing a beer with the commentator in your living room’ thing, that Rex couldn’t exactly grasp. Romo took about a quarter to get going, but after he figured it out, he sounded natural, and enthusiastic, and most importantly brought a whole new perspective to the booth, that you rarely see.
I loved Tony Romo going out there and calling plays before they happened. The predictions were impressive, but more so than that, I enjoyed how he highkighted before the play the correct person to key in on before the snap even happened. It gives you a reallly good insight into the mind of a quarterback. One in particular, who has 14 years of experience under his belt…and two playoff wins. I was listening to a podcast recently where they talked about visiting Tony Romo before the season started, and talking to him about how he was preparing for his new commentary gig. One of the podcast guys suggested that Romo plays some Madden and try’s commentating over that to get some reps in. Tony thinks this is a great idea, and goes and fires up Madden for them watch. What the podcast guys didn’t know, is that Tony Romo is a Madden savant and is ranked around 100 in the world. He starts playing some no named also ranked chump, who has no idea he is playing a former nfl QB, and Romo tears him apart. He no huddles every single play and reads the opposing defense as they set up, then audibles and hot routes at the line to exploit the opponent to victory. Romo got so lost in the game that he didn’t do any commentary, but buried his opponent instead. Thats the kind of play recognition that only experts can acquire, and if that is the skill that he is going to be bringing to the booth week after week, then I for one cant wait to tune in in the future.
I give Romo 8 playoff losses out of 10.
If Rex gets some booze in him, I want to tune into that too.